Earlier on: not facing my personal issues and instead: being hyper addicted to fitness. Sorry, it’s not the long term solution

This was sort of the boat I was in when i started working out at 14, which was about 16 years ago. I remember getting the perfect pushup device. The one you can attach to your door frame and do pull ups with also. I had these lightweight dumbbells, pushups, pull ups, and sit-ups in my living room. I remember literally not wanting to go to bed until i could get sets of my workout routine in. it was a newfound safety and consistency. a schedule. I remember literally taking my dumbbells into my mom’s van and doing curls on the way to chuckie cheeses for one of my sibling’s birthdays. I remember taking the bus to the YMCA every day just to go get a pump in. I remember sacrificing whatever it took to make sure I ate a protein bar after my workout. I remember how much working out saved me. I remember how hard i dove in when I didn’t necessary comprehend the other stuff that was going on with my family during this time.

One track mind. I remember being hyper focused about lifting right from the start. I didn’t think of making my body better when i committed to lifting. i like the routine of it. i liked the failure of it and never being able to “win.” i remember getting so hype trying to get that bigger number. that extra rep. and those thought circulating through my mind. programming my mind for a growth mentality. to absolutely know that i will get ahead, no matter what.

later on i went to college, and then after.. continuing this fitness journey. never quitting. just running strong for years now. maybe 1 week of here and there, but sustainably a solid 16 years in the gym now as i speak at the age of 30.. i remember the stages of poor communication in my relationships from 16-25. i remember the inability to take the lower end of the spectrum of emotions seriously. I remember always thinking “just get over it, or why is this person feeling like this right now?” i was programmed to think ahead and not acknowledge emotions and feelings. this was because in my childhood, i didn’t have anyone simply talking me through my emotions. helping me understand them. helping me realize the tougher ones or more difficult ones were okay. not going to play a blame game here, but just seems to be a breath of fresh air to see the awareness to comprehending out emotions today. realizing its not about just being positive. its about taking some calm and time to sit with those emotions. treat ourselves well and even tell our closest ones about those lower spectrum of feelings. and realizing how we can let them help us. taking them seriously and realizing all of those feelings are VALID.

Instead: I would hit the weights harder. which felt great. ive always done lots of things to feel amazing and feel better. recovery genius type guy. i totally set my day up for success. its a great thing, but there are some things like emotions that cant be rushed, or cant be pushed away with science.

I remember being so hyper focused on fitness that i wouldn’t take the extra 10 minutes to sit and have a conversation with a gf who was feeling some type of way. i took my things as a higher priority. now looking back: i see how abandoned and not emotionally supportive that action would’ve been. not stepping out of my shoes and not wanting to sit there with that difficult moment and just give it some physical presence and support as the emotions of the other individual went down. we cant always reason with emotions, but more times than not: others want us to take their emotions seriously. to not make it about us. but to sit there and understand what that person needs. diving into their world and staying connected and strong with them.

Dont get me wrong: fitness has helped me become a very routine person. with my habits in the morning, my cleaning habits, thinking ahead especially when i did a physique show and had to plan my meals out and take them with my 24/7. it helped me in life to be a better planner and to make sure i was the routine guy, showing up to the table and committing to plans. being RELIABLE. i became obsessed over time with reliability. consistency. look at my meditation journey. 5 years deep now. consistent. lifting weights. 16 years deep. cleaning habits. the way i keep my laundy organized. i put things in the same place every time after i use them. i create these consistencies so my brain can focus on other activities and i have control over things that i can control. creating less unknowns beacuse i have a place and time for everything that i do.

while this is great: there is one category that takes a hit with that narrow mentality. relationships. you cant always perfectly plan and organize relationships. emotions are going to hit. tough things are going to happen. growing in the spirit realm and growing closer to others requires the hidden skill: FLEXIBILITY. once i was able to start realizing what this actually meant, i was able to step into other’s shoes lots more.

now i can see how fitness has been that safety for me since childhood. but it also was that place where i could have so much routine that i was ignore other aspects of my life. so when i took that flexibility concept and started to apply it: i noticed more quality to my relationships with people and fulfillment in other areas. i was able to let go and accept. i got better at letting people feel what they feel and letting people have their own opinions. i became more of an observer. realizing that i don’t need to control a situation or i don’t need to give my opinion when someone else does. investing into them more and simply staying curious. empathizing.

i do truly believe that my ability to empathize took longer to figure out was because i was so hyper focused with me and my main character mentality to my own story. practicing stepping out of my shoes by not giving my option on things, not making it about me, and investing into others more or taking the extra 10 minutes to sit and be a presence for someone in need, started to break some of these barriers. started to open my up more to what really was happening around me. it created lots more peace and more connection with the world around me.

you see, the fitness thing really was an addiction through the whole process. i gave up plans, or denied others because i felt like i needed to get my meal in at home and sit here alone for what; to get this meal in.. when i could’ve went out and smiled with others and had a meal with them… not saying we have to do that all of the time.. but we have to be aware to how much we’re in lone wolf mode and how much were in that social connection mode. both very powerful. id say the lone wolf mode was activated lots more than not. opened my eyes more to who i wanted in my life but realizing i don’t need to give my time to too many people.

today, i feel more energized mentally and physically than i ever have. because i dont have the lingering stress of not attending to other areas of my life. i do believe my progress was slower when i was not attending to this social aspect of me and connection with others piece of me. i would sacrifice to work on just me.. which in turn caused more stress and less recovery because i had that thought in the back of my mind “damn, i skipped out of a unique beautiful experience… or i didn’t try my grandma’s meal because i had to eat my chicken..” all sorts of little examples.

none of it matters if you don’t have close people to you and you’re not growing and openly communicating and showing up to the table better and better. we are not meant to be isolated. but it also doesn’t mean that we need 100 friends. maybe 2 solid amazing friends. maybe a couple family members that we love and confide in.

take a look at famous people. 1,000,000 “friends.” but still feel lonely as ever.

you can focus on you. your pursuits. make it only about you and your priorities.

or you can find a sustainable path, pulling back just slightly and having a strong support system around you which in turn will give you better recovery and better emotional support than you ever imagined. so you don’t have to go into those periods where you cut off the world, and say “i don’t need a man, or i don’t need a woman” and fall into these mindsets like you will never need anyone.

we need people. period. that’s just how it is. be selective and patient. realize what characteristics you want from individuals in your life. and openly communicate to these important individuals. going from a drug addition, to a fitness addiction, to a car addiction, to a hiking addiction, to an addiction to sex and woman, to putting on blinders and being this one track mind is not the route to happiness.

we look at famous athletes, and we realize: yes it requires a serious sacrifice. being away from our family and loved ones a majority of the time. its not realistic for most people.

what is all this time toward things if we cant enjoy it to the highest joy with others.

keep the dumbbell at home. you don’t need to do curls on the way to chucky cheeses. you will be okay. you’re on track. focus on the engagement, love and relationships in your life as well. we don’t need to abandon some areas of our lives to be great. we can be great and attend to all aspects that are important to us.

long term solution = having love for more than just fitness.