Be a man that congratulates other men: Words are for building. Break your cycle of insecurity.

It’s not just another catch phrase that you hear on the internet. “Put out what you want to attract.” it’s more than real and is very much true. It takes years of practice and implementation. You then get to a point where you change your environment to be around similar energy, or you have helped evolve the current culture in which you reside. It doesn’t happen overnight.

The circle of close ones if your life around you as well as the frequently environments in which you spend your time are always being reenforced for their current value structure, or they’re being otherwise influenced and changed. neither is “bad” in its nature. Its evolution. it’s the reason specific people and places remain the same or change. It’s up to the people within that tribe to drive change or reenforce existing values.

Back to the main point of the article: in a culture in which there are many leaders all of whom congratulate each other, bring each other up, recognize each other, validate each other, and respect each other has a powerful impact. Engagement amongst each other is reenforced and creates an environment where ideas, thoughts, and shared testimony are all common space. What is the benefit of this? Growth mindset individuals. More support and connection through struggles. More motivation and energy toward existing tasks. The ability to leave that environment and take something with you that impacts other areas of your life. It becomes more like a tribe when there is common goals, thoughts, and ideas discussed amongst men and women in that tribe.

What does all of this mean? Engagement as humans is necessary. Lots of the way society is set up today reenforced separation. Defensiveness. Envy. Looking at others different because they’re apart of ____________ or believe ___________. You will find lots of the time, if you approach a social situation and ask questions and approach it with curiosity, you will notice lots of the tendencies of humans.

Refrain from talking about yourself until someone has specifically asked for your opinion or about your story. Instead, acknowledge and congratulate the other men around you. Empathize by mirroring their emotion they show when telling a story they have to share. You ever get excited from telling a story and the person listening to you starts to smile and show the same excitement? They then proceed to dive more into your world. They’re empathizing like an expert. This is the type of energy that makes all of the men around us even better men. No need to defend of prove others wrong. Simply being in an environment of observation. Letting people believe what they want to believe. Not needing to prove them wrong. Empowering other males and leaders to take what they know and live by and continue to feel supported by those around us.

Lets take a dive into a culture that reenforces the opposite. You create an environment where opinions are not acknowledged. This reenforces many to become quiet and not step up to speak what is on their mind. It even further reenforces others to not stand up and support or acknowledge anyone that decides to speak. A culture of unspoken men. No engagement. insecurity. quick defensiveness because there is no open discussion or charismatic action. This culture now reenforces fighting for ourselves. No standing up or speaking when we feel something is right or wrong. Potentially even toxic.

Humans were meant to engage and connect physically. To look each other in the eyes. You ever see how difficult it is for many people to maintain eye contact today? You ever see how Stange it is when someone puts their hand on someone else’s shoulder? You ever see how see how people stare at the ground when walking toward each other because they rather look at the ground then make eye contact?

Break these patterns. Be different. Reenforce human values that have stuck since the beginning of time. Reenforce a culture of growth by engagement.

I’ve noticed many are surprised with the way that i create an open environment. Takes a minute for people to warm up into conversation. to think, “oh this guy actually wants to have a good convo.” its just what i do. I practice this type of leadership. let me tell you: it lightens up people’s worlds. Peoples eyes start to glow. Like they’ve never been acknowledged and heard like this before. its that simple. It breaks the loops and patterns that lots of non engaging humans are set in. It creates more quality engagement as well as more to bring to the table for the specific culture.

Try this:

ask questions.

when someone tells you something, really get into their headspace about what they could’ve felt like.

Stay present. Make other men feel great.

It will come back to you.

It will make you better.

More connected.

More quality.

Still Face Baby Syndrome. Distracted Mothers and Fathers: cell phones in the baby’s faces and psychological damage to your children: My convo with a medical professional

I tend to have conversations/dive into them and listen over all spectrums of mind, body, spirit with a diverse group of individuals. At the gym. Sauna. Convos over Instagram. Text. Diving into podcasts. reading books. seminars. Church. You name it. I perspective seek and talk things with a grain of salt.

Came across an interesting convo with a medical professional at the gym. Topic of convo was along the lines of distracted mothers and fathers especially in the vulnerable months of 1-12. Continuously filming their children in intimate cute moments. Scrolling socially media while feeding their babies. using devices while their children are playing and looking to the mother and father for validation or approval, as well as looking to their parents for emotional support/ understanding. A newborn baby picks up heavily on facial expression/eye contact from the Mother and Father. Just as animals do. they are masters of reading our faces. Babies do so in a way to learn, develop safety and security, empathy and understanding based on the parent attending to the child, and being in the moment with their present experience. BE PRESENT WITH YOUR BABY. eye contact. playful. attended to. Quite literally the best thing you can do for your children.

This still face phenomenon “in which an infant, after three minutes of “interaction” with a non-responsive expressionless parent, rapidly sobers and grows wary. He makes repeated attempts to get the interaction into its usual reciprocal pattern.”… cell phone while feeding the baby. filming your child with a camera constantly. not paying attention to a playful child that is looking for acknowledgment and affirmation. finding ways to keep them busy so we can look the other way. Lacking eye contact with your baby.

According to Psych Help, published by Mary Gregory, “The ‘still face’ demonstrates how vulnerable we all are to the emotional or non-emotional reactions of the people they are close to. It demonstrates how babies who are just learning about their relational world try to achieve connection. Babies were once thought to be unable to understand emotions. However, in this experiment they have a clear reaction to a lack of emotional connection from their mothers and fathers. Even very young babies have demonstrated that they can respond to emotions of the adults who care for them. Not only are babies able to passively respond to adult interactions but babies are also actively engaging and shaping social interaction with the adults in their lives.

What about romantic relationships?
“You can see that one partner shows less emotional reaction and connection. You can see that the wife is using similar behaviors to those displayed by the babies in the previous clips to get a reaction from her husband. She is desperately attempting to engage with him emotionally.”

Simply put babies and humans are learning about their relationship world and trying to achieve connection. Babies are able to regulate their emotions when the mother and father is present. with eye contact. engaged. Short doses of a non-attentive parent is okay, but longer periods have detrimental impact on the baby’s development.

it all adds up. This tech age has pros and cons. things we have to adjust to and things we have to set boundaries with. When computes and cell phones didn’t exist, it was lots easier to stay task focused and in the moment. It brings up a point today about lack of presence and increased anxiety. the only way we can surpass it is to practice presence. Staying fully emersed in the experience. not just with babies. all humans. we pick up a lot on eye contact and engagement with all our relationships. This principle can be applied across the board.

How engaged are you in person with your loved ones? Does this consist of cell phone 50% of the time of intentional engagement and enjoyment of each other’s presence. People time is for people. Simply put.

It all adds up. we decide the quality of life that we live. Stay task focused. Present. aware.

Psilocybin Experiment: My Positive Mushroom Trip Experience

Direct focus to happiness. Thinking directly from the heart. Dropping ego barriers and seeing things for exactly how they are. Reverse engineering your life from the childhood up until where you are now. Unleashing the darkest demons that hid themselves within you and letting them go. Honesty with yourself. Internal messages of what you need to do to achieve your next best career, self, and interpersonal goals. Access to more of parts of your brain that you normally don’t’ have access to. Creativity opened up. Smiling and giggling like a kid. Childlike heart open and speaking freely. These are just some of the things I experienced when experimenting.

There is a difference between a drug abuser, and someone who wants to experiment to gain perspective that he can apply to his life.

Just like anything: you can abuse something or you can use it with intention. My goal over the years was to dabble once in a great while with a controlled dose that allowed me to experience some of the psychological and visual effects and to take something positive from the experience.

I initially did my research and read the criticism, the science, asked humans questions about it, learned more about what to expect, and really just remained curious up until the point of trying them.

I also learned that they’re prescribing small doses out west as a form of clinical medicine. This really opened my eyes to being even more curious. If this could be justified to be legal for a healing purpose, what is it that theses could accomplish if I gave them a try?

You hear things like:

“make sure you do them around trusted people.”

“be in a good mental place before doing a trip.”

It really does make sense after experiencing them. During the experience, there is a feeling of vulnerability. Like a bird that is being held in someone’s hands gently. the gentle part of you starts to arise. The child like part of you. Which could be very eye opening to some people who may or may not have healed from trauma that has been experienced over the years. Some people have reported to cry on their trip. To let go and accept some feelings that arise in a more powerful way, which is influenced by the mushrooms.

For me: I felt this peaceful, floating like feeling, with a warmness to my heart that allowed me to creatively come to all of these enlightening thoughts on love, happiness, and a direct focus toward what serves me and what does not serve me.

Some people experiencing trips have said to found life changing confidence to switch careers, be honest with their closer relationships, or try a new hobby that they feel they wanted to do their entire lives, but never seemed to pull the trigger on.

In this society, many have been focused to “grow up far too quickly.” what i mean is, we’re hardened by the world as a kid from the trauma, or thinking we can’t express ourselves, or being told that we need to finish school and make money. A focus on things that are physical and will burn us out and not sustain a long term happiness path.

The mushroom trip brings lots of this to clarity in my opinion. Maybe there was some things you missed out on as a kid. dreams of trying things that you never chassed or got to dig into a bit more.

Either way, its important to listen to these day dreams, dreams, and things that circulate through our minds. It can be very beneficial to embrace them to some extent.

The mushroom trip highlights and brings this powerful internal reflection toward what in your life is filling you with energy, and what in your life is draining you of energy.

A very valuable part of the trip in my opinion. Sometimes in life, we handle things and deal with people or responsibilities that are not meant for our path. There is lots of resistance. conflict. This can be eye opening on a trip to have a powerful reflection to let go of some things in your life. to find more peace with your life by not putting yourself in certain places or being around certain people.

This can also be used in a social environment. To enhance the visuals or connection with people around you. To lighten things up a bit with a small dose. Enough to break some of those social anxiety barriers. A little bit that opens up that lens of confidence and easy going action. To laugh a little bit more. Let go and experience a little bit more of the brighter side to things. Bringing out that part of your that wants to smile, to have glistening joyful eyes, and a positive attitude. it brings out lots of these things and shows us how possible it is to access this part of us.

I also remember on the experiences that I was able to put some things into words that i feel i haven’t previously found words for. Related to outlook and mentality on motivation, approaching life, health, and other categories that i seem to spend time in. There is a great creative aspect to the experience that flows all of these interesting concepts though your mind.

The visual aspect. Things are very vibrant. There is even a little bit of a pulsing, wavy movement to stuff depending on how much you are taking. You can sit there in nature and stare at things, and they seem to have a very lively vibrant look to them. I feel this is powerful in the way that, you feel more connected to the world and to nature. Some say, “its helped me find my place and feel like I belong.” There is this loving connection to the world that is experienced. it brings out the beauty and appreciation for what is around you. the simplicity and love for the small moments.

The experience starts to set in closer to 1 hour after consuming. There are effects for up to 5 hours, id day. After 1 hour, there is a solid 2 hours that are heightened visuals and creative thought processes. it starts to subside after that. But the rest of the day has a very light feeling to it.

And when you wake up the next day, you feel totally at peace. I think there is lots of stored stuff in our brain that we don’t know how to deal with sometimes. the trip brings light to all these different channels of our brains. allows them to speak. allows them to become free and accepted.

This might be the reason for waking up the next day, and feeling “lighter.” The fact that you not only processed lots of thoughts going through the mind, but you were also seeing through the lens of a lighter, more loving outlook for a period of a few hours. Might have even lightened up the heart a bit. Made you a bit more easy going. Simplified your life. Taken a little bit of stress off your plate.

The fear of the experience could come from the lack of control. The fear of the unknown. I could totally see that. This is why i waited until a stage of life where i feel i have let go of what in can’t control. Practicing actively to not defend myself or change people around me. to dig into my tougher stuff of life and allowing it to be. Finding peace with lots of things that took years to find peace with. The experience itself goes in line with the mentality of being able to have that outlook. The experience is about letting go. About letting things naturally go where they want to. being able to accept the tougher thoughts as well as the easier lighter thoughts. Processing them and just remembering, “i will be okay. this is something my mind needs to think on and process. it may feel uncomfortable, but they’re just thoughts.” In turn, feeling more empowered after since you were able to think through uncomfortable things and be okay afterward, and not reacting in an extreme way.

This article was not to motivate anyone to try, or to persuade anyone to try. Just simply wanted to reflect on all of it as a whole.

Very positive results in my opinion. I felt hours after the experience, i was able to pull out my journal and write. while smiling. while letting some things go. while also highlighting some beautiful things in my life. very reflective. very introspective. lots of growth from the short perspective change.

I mean, that is how we grow right? To change our perspectives. To see things a different way. To experience life. this what the experiences have done. Intentionally saw things though a bit more of an unfiltered, no bs, lens.

Delaying Pleasures = Heightened Joy All Day long: My Personal Experiments with Life Changing Results

Simply put: Every time I’ve resisted self-pleasure for days, or even a week. there is a feeling of empowerment, energy, drive and accomplishment within me. it’s a soul charging energy. This article is not to be taken as an “elimination principle.” More just a moderation and frequency of doing reflection.

This article today is going to go over a few different areas in which I have noticed life changing results with delaying simple pleasures. Benefits will be noticed in relationships, work, motivation, sleep, physical and mental strength, drive and confidence. The biggest categories in my opinion that will have life changing results: Bring awareness to the food and to masturbation.

It’s extremely easy to have a mindset that naturally values a quick fast food choice or a quick self release pleasure decision. You can pick something up while driving in the car. You can go self pleasure yourself in the bathroom. Two decisions that are used as a vise to experience pleasure and have temporary freedom from stress, urges or things we’re trying to avoid. With the consequence of low energy, depression, and low quality living.

Stressed from work? Eat a poptart. Frustrated with finances? Self pleasure yourself and take a nap. 2 Hour gap between your plans? Grab Duncan doughnuts. Having trouble sleeping? Self pleasure yourself. Next thing you know, you feel less drive, less joy, and attraction/less present with your gf/wife or you job/social interactions. You feel physical sluggish; Not just from the crap choices of food, but even worse: Dis-interested because you’ve stimulated a sexual organ that is created for the purpose of procreation. Not to be juiced multiple times a day as a vise to escape stress. Next thing you know: you have less interest in your partner. You have no energy at 3PM. You can’t stop thinking about sugar and sex. You become even more mentally fatigued because of the overwhelming craving and addiction to the dopamine releases that you’ve routined yourself into. You’re trapped in the pleasure mindset and now delayed gratification simply doesn’t exist. You dont’ have low testosterone. You simply don’t experience Joy because you’ve programmed your mind to need constant highs of pleasure to feel anything whatsoever. Masturbation pleasure. Food pleasure. The only thing that will satisfy. Now what purpose does anything else serve?

personal experience. The food one has always been lots easier for me to resist. There was this drive in my to stay tight, high energy and strong. There are moments where it does hit me and i do feel this urge to get a pizza or ice cream. i guess its good to think about how often that is happening, or if we’re able to resist it when that urge does arrise. Or thinking: what other ways can i step back and think about what my body actually wants.

I personally have struggled with the masturbation piece since a kid. just getting in the routine of doing it. sometimes not evening thinking about it. just totally doing it at the same time and same place. not even thinking about the consequences or what it could actually be doing. After several trials of delaying it however, i have realized how energized i feel, present with conversations, and overall just a higher mental interest in everything that i do. it makes me think: i can feel better a majority of the time if I simply eliminate this momentary habit that creates pleasure and escape for just some minutes. Then why is it so difficult at times? because its easy. its human nature to have a sex drive. but we are human, and that means we do have a choice. it becomes even more reassuring when i dig into scripture and read about how a life of joy and love to the highest level is possible when resisting short term temptations. it really is true. Saving the whole experience with potential partner yields a higher level of joy and fulfillment. its worked toward. its built. its not just a release alone in a bathroom or in your bed. Reenforcing isolation, depression and no need for anything or anyone else in our life to bring us pleasure. All habits add up. They all mean something. What are our habits reenforcing deep down inside of us?

I remember my Mother programming this delayed gratification mindset into our minds from a pretty early age. We would do pizza on Fridays. So the entire week, we would value home cooked meals, eating together, and be routine into the creation and appreciation of food. So the pizza on Fridays was not a regular experience, but one that we could look forward to time to time. it didn’t’ feel like an urge. it just simply felt like something different that we could enjoy together. it wasn’t the ultimate source of pleasure, but one that my Mother showed us could be experienced time to time. Not that these simple pleasures are “bad” in nature. But they can be abused and take over the mind if there is not some sort of intention with them.

The above is great example of how pleasures can be incorporated time to time and not have this weighing mental drag on us. We can get up the next day and not be mentally consumed by the simply pleasure. not feel a pull or addiction to it.

I’ve noticed sleep improvements when not going for a dopamine rush right before bed. Maybe its the fact that we’re giving the part of our brain that is responsible for that chemical; a break. Just like our heart or our muscles. giving them a break and not pushing them too hard. Same could be said for the brain right?

How about this? Work has its exciting moments. its slow moments. if we already juiced our dopamine receptors, how does that affect the way we feel in the slow moment? Do they seem much slower? Do we develop anxiety because the lack of intensity in the slow moments? Now reenforcing that we need more stimulation at all movements? Again, resisting dopamine releases for the concept of heightened joy in the simpler moments.

This is a topic that is rarely discussed. how often do we experience or reach for these pleasure? They really will take over your mind. especially when they become routine. You will feel this empty feeling like something is missing. but there is power in stepping back from it, and not choosing to do what is quick and easy.

Its a concept that sounds so familiar and is thrown around like its not a big deal.

but do we actually practice it and take it seriously?

My prayers over time have been directed toward resisting masturbation. I’m single. My testosterone is 900. It is a real temptation and intentional process to let go of sexual thoughts a male. Primally, we have the drive and we see a potential mate. But mankind allows us choose to let go of those thoughts. It can be consuming. There is freedom and heighted joy when resisting the dopamine release that is so easy for a male to find. You wonder why you hear people talk about post masturbation feelings of guilt, loneliness, depression, low energy, less interest. With the tech age booming in the way that it is, we have a reenforced culture to satisfy our needs with the fastest internet, the fastest pleasure, and quickest easiest choice. Very conflicting to our value sets. I haven’t read the fancy science articles on this. I just know I’ve put many scenarios to the test. resisted. not resisted. and there is a correlation to exponential happiness and better interactions with humans when resisting masturbation.

Again. Real things here. Faced by many. Not discussed by man. take them seriously.

Eye gazing for deep intimate connection: we are sometimes positively petrified when it’s with the right person: what do we actually see in those moments?

They say a true deep loving connection beyond what words can describe has a deep level of intuition to it – understanding without reason put to it. You just know. The ability to sit in stillness with a partner, gaze into each other’s eyes for minutes on end, with no level of un comfort. Pure presence, no judgment, ultimate respect, and deep loving connection is felt. Mutual loyalty, desire, and unconditional love is felt in the moment we eye gaze with the right individual.

You ever spend time with a potential mate and actually feel the difficulty in being able to maintain eye contact with that person? Coincidentally this most likely is not a fit for an authentic genuine romantic commitment. Think about it. If you have had, or currently have a long term romantic relationship that you deem deeply loving, or at least has been at one stage: think about the ability to sit on the couch or lay in bed with your partner; eye gazing, smiling and being completely comfortable and vulnerable in that moment with pure simplicity.

Eye gazing is extremely important. Even simply the way that I observe couples look at each other. I can tell where things stand. the eyes really do not lie. there is lots to understand from the eyes. The look I see one partner give to another when words are not even present. We humans pick up on nonverbal communication well, but animals are the true masters of this.

it’s not coincidence that powerful partners have powerful eyes for each other. Loyal eyes. When I observe what seems to be a “healthy relationship,” I always take notice to the facial expressions. The smile and the eyes. they seem to really mimic each other well. At one point I believe I read some literature on the mirroring of partner’s facila expressions after a long-term relationships. Seeing similar mannerisms in partners who have that natural, open, healthy loving flow. Non verbal’s man. Lots in how we look and how we move. Pretty darn cool.

Some people might be thinking, “Well I’m not really having this intimate deep eye gazing time with my partner currently and we’re doing pretty good.” Thats okay. its not that you’re doing anything wrong. its mainly an awareness of something so simple that has been present since the beginning of time. Think about when there was no tv, no cell phones, no electronics, and no automobiles. You were forced to engage with people more in person. You were forced to rely on each other a bit more. you were forced to engage, play games, make love, and interact lots more than we do in the present.

So what?

It means that some of the sacred traditional pieces to deep connection may have gotten lost in transit at some point down the road. deep, simple moments and being able to go talk a walk with you partner when no one else is around, sit on a bench, have conversation with each other and be so content in the moment that your love and gazing into each other’s eyes is all that you need; and can be appreciated very highly.

So maybe this is an awareness to the benefit of eye gazing and intentional moments outside of life’s entertainment, tech devices, flashy screens, loud noises and fast paced everything…. sure is.

Are you able to sit in simplicity with your partner:

reading a book

having a cup of coffee

going on a walk

laying in bed cuddling holding one another and looking at each other in appreciation

going on a long car ride

etc

the simple moments tell lots about a relationship and if it is meant for your soul or not. what do you feel in these simply non distracted moments with your partner?

It’s easy to ride the highs with a partner. But how do I feel when we are living life’s simplest most private moments? At home together alone. quiet. sharing a cup of coffee. Do we still love each other in those moments? When we look at each other, can we maintain that eye gaze where we both know we’re sealed at the soul? Not settling for anything less than this. We can only fight the soul for so long. Forget the fancy resume. the cool job. What do you actually see and feel when you look into your potential life partner’s eyes?

Waiting AT LEAST 30 Minutes to Respond to a Text: Life Hack for Lowered Anxiety and Healthier Communication

I like to step back once in awhile and think about the potential impact (good or bad) from things I recurringly do on a daily basis. I reflected recently on the idea: Do we put a higher sense of urgency on a text message than we should? At what cost? What even is the expectation for texting communication? What do urgencies do to us mentally?

Attending immediately to the phone is a reinforcement to our brain that we need to check the phone even more frequently because we’re “missing out” on something. When we do so, this is quite literally telling ourselves, “what we’re doing right now is not as important as _____.” That action over and over creates an expectation that we’ve set for ourselves. Now, its became more regular and habitual.

Don’t get me wrong: There are situations where important information is being exchanged back and forth that may have a sense of urgency to it. context right. I’m talking here about casual conversation. thoughts. plans. ideas. Think about the benefit of waiting at least 30 minutes. Or think about the times where you’ve seen a text message and reading it immediately sparked up an emotion or impulse within you to respond. this is the awareness moment that should trigger us to step back and wait. sit on it. let the emotion balance out. respond when the thoughts are collected and not dropped in 5 straight impulsive texts back toward the individual you’re communicating with.

It’s similar to conversation in person. think about all of the times you’ve given thoughts some space. Letting them do their work within that complex brain up there. sometimes when you wait 30 minutes, you’ve got a more collected better answer than the immediate emotion that could potentially be involved in that response.

Even further: a delayed response on a text message does come off as a bit more mature. It comes off as “they value their time very highly so whatever they’re doing, they’re fully immersed into it,” and I respect that highly.

Think about this: do we have expectations with how long it should take for someone to reply? Should we even have an expectation? Even goes further to say: if there is a lingering expectation in your head, isn’t that going to further disappoint you since the other person can’t read your mind?

Its sort of something that is left unsaid at this day and age. we go: call twice in case do not disturb is on if its an EMERGENCY. But how many times have you called someone and then a couple hours later they respond with a “what sup.” No returned phone call. is that disrespectful? or is that an expectation we have put into our head in this tech age?

All good thoughts here since this is a real part of how humans communicate today.

Long story short: When we wait to respond to a text, it allows us to gather thoughts and put something into words that we may be more proud of; we took the time to balance out the emotion and reason of what is about to be said, and in turn may create a more quality conversation.

Lets switch to the big benefit of delaying this sort of activity: more focus toward your present moment activity. More reinforcement to your brain that you’re able to focus on one thing at a time and be present for that activity. I was told prior by a business owner, “we want to stay out of the urgency category.” The urgency category sky rockets our heart rate, blood pressure and overall mental energy/fatigue. its not that everything needs to be perfectly planned. its just that we can agree that emergencies are not that most fun to deal with. That wasn’t a shot toward EMT or emergency medical individuals. Stay patient with me here and lets take that concept and apply it to our personal lives.

Less urgencies mean less anxiety. more presence. more calm.

Does it need to be done right now?

Can this wait?

If everything was an urgency, we would be walking around losing our minds.

Anxiety could be framed a little more toward thinking that we need to do something when in reality: nothing needs to be done.

Interesting perspective right there.

All thoughts.

Preventing a “Stress Boiling Point” and Burnout – Frequent breaks through the day for a large mental return on investment.

You start firing away on your emails at work. 45 minutes go by. Next you’re looking at your cell phone. Scrolling and attending to texts, social media, aps, etc. You hop on a teams call with your co workers. You get off the call, and your email box is fired back up with emails. Next thing you know 3.5 hours have gone by and you haven’t gotten up once. Approaching lunchtime a bit overwhelmed and wondering to yourself, “where did my morning just go?”

We’ve all been there. We like to dive hard into our work. We like to stay present with the task at hand. Here is one thing that is for certain: I don’t know about you, but I’m in the industrial/manufacturing industry. Business literally NEVER stops. that’s right. lots of our customers are 24/7. People need their stuff. it just never stops.

This can initially put less experienced people in my industry in a very overwhelmed mindset. “how do i catch up?” here is the reality: you never catch up in my industry. that phrase can come off a bit frustrating. but it helps you reflect on what the expectation is for you individually and what will actually make you feel like you’re contributing properly? Further thoughts of anxiety can come from the situation described. Logistics. Inventory. it never ends.

This naturally can make us forget about the self work, breaks, calm, and intentional deep breathing that a healthy fully functioning brain and body needs. But the average person that doesn’t bring awareness to this has the 3PM OH SHEET momment:

Its 3PM on a Monday. haven’t taken one break. Skipped lunch actually. tried to eat a snack while doing emails at the same time. And my shortness of breath is at a all time high, stressed, frustrated.. mentally burnt out. Blood pressure is probably elevated to a unhealthy place. Oh shoot. I have a back up of text messages and other things i haven’t had a chance to get to. AHHHHHH. the boiling point of stress. BOOM. we hit the boiling point. it all caught up to us. we get off work and haven’t transitioned back to calm. we get home to a significant other and we end up getting more frustrated with our partners. “when do i get a break.” we get to a point of mental exhaustion and finally hit the pillow and repeat the cycle all over again tomorrow.

This past paragraph is what we want to avoid at all costs.

Its not that we need to take long breaks through the day.

Its that the 5 minutes to step outside, off the cell phone, and taking a deep breath while simply observing, listening to the birds, taking a walk, and just being present can be all we need to prevent the “meter of stress” from rising. Stress is okay. stress is literally okay. But how do we manage it? Like anything else. too much of things can cause issues. we need stress in our lives. We need pressure and lingering energy. it holds us accountable.

But we can also reframe the way we talk about the word “stress.” Our relationship to stress. what is it telling us? How is stress speaking to us?

taking a walk on your lunch break

Simply going somewhere else besides your work desk and sitting in contentment without needing anything.

looking around you and really observing what is happening around you.

listening to some music.

going and sitting in your car and putting the seat back.

The ROI is gigantic if we can take these breaks seriously. Why do you think we get them at all of our jobs? They’re for a reason. They’re preventing our stress meter from reaching a boiling point.

So we don’t need to find coping mechanisms or say things like “I cannot wait for the weekend”

or “i cannot wait to have a drink later”

Or whatever it happens to be.

People hear the word “self work” and I know it gets thrown around lots today. But the breaks we take through the day are “self work.” they’re necessary US time that gets our mind right, grounds and balances us, and keeps us present so we can attend to life in a quality manner.

All thoughts here. its worked great for me. Hope this helps getting you thinking on the breaks you take through the day.

Masturbation and porn are cheat codes: Just like alcohol. It’s not a solution to handle stressors/challenges. Side effects: Desensitized. Numb. Depressed. It’s not a long-term solution. A topic no one wants to talk about. But its real

Masturbation is an addition that sort of gets thrown under the table as not a big deal, but is actually highly abused as a release to life’s stressors, and actually has some serious mental side effects that lots of people aren’t aware of. Life gets stressful. go and release. Have a time block of nothing to do, Go and release. Laying in bed, Go and release. Facing an emotional challenge, Go and release. Sometimes getting to the point of happening many times per day for some. This is a topic that no one wants to speak about, but the side effects are actually pretty intense.

Resistance to temptation. this is not being practiced when the simplest thing that can be done is go to the bathroom or our bedroom and release. why even deal with a situation when we have a cheat code to go access some please despite the pain or challenge that we’re facing in front of us. now that you released, are you better fit? Have you moved forward past the challenge at hand? have you actually death with the stress at hand? Not really. you just escaped from reality for a quick second. Why even resist being faithful to our partners when we’ve programmed ourselves to chase this pleasure the moment it arises? where is the delayed gratification and resistance to temptations?

not sure about you, but afterward, nothing feels better than just sleeping. checking out even more from the moment. life is tough, go release, and then take a nap. acting like everything is going to be better when we wake up. not really. I challenge you this: next time you have the urge, judge the situation based off how hard it is to not go and do it. is this your automatic response? To get home after work, or to release before bed. or even mid day on a lunch break. whenever that moment happens to be. is it this uncontrollable addiction that we use to fill space and simply reduce potential anxiety that we are not facing? where is the internal dialogue? Are we not even thinking about things or letting them go, but instead finding ways to distract ourselves from reality?

lets talk about being de sensitized. now that you’ve released on your own several times over the course of the week, how does that affect the outlook you have on you are your partner’s relationship? what does that say about the act of sexual activities between the two of you? What does this say about the way that you perceive your partner? Or even this: can your partner tell when you haven’t released in awhile versus when you regularly do it on your own? Think about sexual acts as something that is shared between two humans. Two trusting humans. built up and experienced over time. delayed gratification. But where is the appreciation if its so simply to just go grab our cell phones, watch porn and release at any time that we please? think about how quick that puts the mindset into: i need this now and im going to do whatever it takes to get it. Think about how that changes the perception on how you view you partner or what you expectations are when you even meet up with someone for the first time. what if sex wasn’t what we thought about when we interacted with someone? actually building, investing into them, and working toward quality engagement. versus being brainwashed by our 10 sessions this week of masturbation and then putting that mentality toward our engagement with the opposite sex.

Think about how excited, full of energy, and driven you feel when you haven’t released on your own in awhile. there is more a drive from a primal standpoint. sex drive is real. and if we can wait on it, we can take that sex drive energy and dose some of that energy into our other endeavors and then next thing we know: We are supercharged toward other activities. Think about if you resisted from releasing, and let the focus on your engagement be on pleasures of other types. the pleasure of sight, taste, seeing, feeling. Its not doubt that the very frequent releases cause an overload to our dopamine reward system when we constantly are checking out and accessing our own pleasure. one that wasn’t worked for. one that we can just walk away and do on our own. NOW: LIFE IS DULL this afternoon. because nothing steps up to the plate for the pleasure of porn and masturbation on your lunch break. Now, i don’t have a reason to spark up a convo or have excitement toward the simpler things. I set the bar so high for my brain to recognize pleasure or even desire it.

Have you ever tried to delay releases for days or even a week? Give it a try and see how you feel. What does releasing say about the type of love that you’re reaching for? Are you even able to let love do its natural wonder, or is there a constant expectation of orgasm because of how you programmed yourself to need to release every single day, or even multiple times a day? What does that pleasure response you’re giving yourself so frequently say about the pleasure that you’re reaching for in your relationship? Is it jading your mind? Is it manipulating you into seeing your partner as an object that can just fulfill your releasing?

Lets move over more to the mental side: Now, you’re sitting there thinking: I just cant stop this routine. I’ve made it routine in my life to the point where I’ve done it 50 times in a row at the same time. And why don’t i just stop? Its because you can’t. your body now desires pleasure in one way and one way only. you programmed your brain and now its a full out addiction. now, you’re feeling anxiety just thinking about it because you are not able to stop.

porn: The perception on sex. the aggression. the link of depression and porn viewing time. loneliness. low life satisfaction. poor self esteem. all things that people have reported of feeling when you do a little bit of a google search. but you don’t need to do a google search if you have personally experienced this.

that’s right. no one wants to talk about this. but its a real thing. and lots of people suffer from it, or have suffered from it during different stages in their lives. and now that some have become so addicted, they don’t even have the energy or desire toward their relationships because they have abused this and caused such a deep desensitized perception.

What is the actual standard of sexual acts in the bedroom? That depends on you and your partner’s own private conversation. something you two communicate about. from a loving standpoint or an even a more animalistic standpoint. its not doubt that we have our moments of wild, intense, crazy love, and also our slower, more romantic, taking our time with things type love. This flow can be communicated. this flow can be a way to connect deeply when letting each other into where our mindset is… but guess what doesn’t help this mutual engagement? frequent porn use and the frustration you have because your partner is not just some flying trapeze artist that hangs from the ceiling, does a backflip off the dresser, and crawls toward you like a hunger tiger, and finishes up the act by doing the stone cold stunner right onto your genitalia.… hahahahah nothing wrong with that. things can get wild. but c’mon man. you get where I’m coming from here. Perception. the act of sex. what if this could be experienced at a higher level of pleasure simply from waiting on sharing this type of pleasure with just your partner? what does it mean to you? How do you approach it? Do you have conversations with your partner about this? this is very normal and can be a open understanding conversation. but frequent porn use changes the way you view these acts, changes the way you view your partner in the equation, and desensitizes your pleasure that can be shred intimately and uniquely between you two.

you ever just feel like crap like 30-60 seconds after releasing on your own? Sitting there like, “whatever, guess that wasn’t really worth it.” reenforcing the loneliness that you were already experiencing. its a thing. there is lots of mental things going on that you are not even aware of. the fact that the release sensation is a bit vulnerable. a desire for us to be next to someone and touching someone. holding them or being held. there is a very vulnerable psychological moment after releasing that occurs. look up the science. i don’t need to blow your mind with fancy vocabulary.

long story short: be aware of how frequently you are doing it. maybe cut back on it. let your body reset. let things balance back out. moderation with all things right? We’ve learned this in many different aspects of our life. it really does apply to so many different things. all of it adds up. all of it counts toward the whole. look at all of these actions as a percentage of the whole. oh, maybe im doing ________ a bit too many times. and guess what: that is going to have some effects, consequences, pros, cons, etc… just another taking responsibility for our lives thing here. pay attention to all of it.

all thoughts.

Earlier on: not facing my personal issues and instead: being hyper addicted to fitness. Sorry, it’s not the long term solution

This was sort of the boat I was in when i started working out at 14, which was about 16 years ago. I remember getting the perfect pushup device. The one you can attach to your door frame and do pull ups with also. I had these lightweight dumbbells, pushups, pull ups, and sit-ups in my living room. I remember literally not wanting to go to bed until i could get sets of my workout routine in. it was a newfound safety and consistency. a schedule. I remember literally taking my dumbbells into my mom’s van and doing curls on the way to chuckie cheeses for one of my sibling’s birthdays. I remember taking the bus to the YMCA every day just to go get a pump in. I remember sacrificing whatever it took to make sure I ate a protein bar after my workout. I remember how much working out saved me. I remember how hard i dove in when I didn’t necessary comprehend the other stuff that was going on with my family during this time.

One track mind. I remember being hyper focused about lifting right from the start. I didn’t think of making my body better when i committed to lifting. i like the routine of it. i liked the failure of it and never being able to “win.” i remember getting so hype trying to get that bigger number. that extra rep. and those thought circulating through my mind. programming my mind for a growth mentality. to absolutely know that i will get ahead, no matter what.

later on i went to college, and then after.. continuing this fitness journey. never quitting. just running strong for years now. maybe 1 week of here and there, but sustainably a solid 16 years in the gym now as i speak at the age of 30.. i remember the stages of poor communication in my relationships from 16-25. i remember the inability to take the lower end of the spectrum of emotions seriously. I remember always thinking “just get over it, or why is this person feeling like this right now?” i was programmed to think ahead and not acknowledge emotions and feelings. this was because in my childhood, i didn’t have anyone simply talking me through my emotions. helping me understand them. helping me realize the tougher ones or more difficult ones were okay. not going to play a blame game here, but just seems to be a breath of fresh air to see the awareness to comprehending out emotions today. realizing its not about just being positive. its about taking some calm and time to sit with those emotions. treat ourselves well and even tell our closest ones about those lower spectrum of feelings. and realizing how we can let them help us. taking them seriously and realizing all of those feelings are VALID.

Instead: I would hit the weights harder. which felt great. ive always done lots of things to feel amazing and feel better. recovery genius type guy. i totally set my day up for success. its a great thing, but there are some things like emotions that cant be rushed, or cant be pushed away with science.

I remember being so hyper focused on fitness that i wouldn’t take the extra 10 minutes to sit and have a conversation with a gf who was feeling some type of way. i took my things as a higher priority. now looking back: i see how abandoned and not emotionally supportive that action would’ve been. not stepping out of my shoes and not wanting to sit there with that difficult moment and just give it some physical presence and support as the emotions of the other individual went down. we cant always reason with emotions, but more times than not: others want us to take their emotions seriously. to not make it about us. but to sit there and understand what that person needs. diving into their world and staying connected and strong with them.

Dont get me wrong: fitness has helped me become a very routine person. with my habits in the morning, my cleaning habits, thinking ahead especially when i did a physique show and had to plan my meals out and take them with my 24/7. it helped me in life to be a better planner and to make sure i was the routine guy, showing up to the table and committing to plans. being RELIABLE. i became obsessed over time with reliability. consistency. look at my meditation journey. 5 years deep now. consistent. lifting weights. 16 years deep. cleaning habits. the way i keep my laundy organized. i put things in the same place every time after i use them. i create these consistencies so my brain can focus on other activities and i have control over things that i can control. creating less unknowns beacuse i have a place and time for everything that i do.

while this is great: there is one category that takes a hit with that narrow mentality. relationships. you cant always perfectly plan and organize relationships. emotions are going to hit. tough things are going to happen. growing in the spirit realm and growing closer to others requires the hidden skill: FLEXIBILITY. once i was able to start realizing what this actually meant, i was able to step into other’s shoes lots more.

now i can see how fitness has been that safety for me since childhood. but it also was that place where i could have so much routine that i was ignore other aspects of my life. so when i took that flexibility concept and started to apply it: i noticed more quality to my relationships with people and fulfillment in other areas. i was able to let go and accept. i got better at letting people feel what they feel and letting people have their own opinions. i became more of an observer. realizing that i don’t need to control a situation or i don’t need to give my opinion when someone else does. investing into them more and simply staying curious. empathizing.

i do truly believe that my ability to empathize took longer to figure out was because i was so hyper focused with me and my main character mentality to my own story. practicing stepping out of my shoes by not giving my option on things, not making it about me, and investing into others more or taking the extra 10 minutes to sit and be a presence for someone in need, started to break some of these barriers. started to open my up more to what really was happening around me. it created lots more peace and more connection with the world around me.

you see, the fitness thing really was an addiction through the whole process. i gave up plans, or denied others because i felt like i needed to get my meal in at home and sit here alone for what; to get this meal in.. when i could’ve went out and smiled with others and had a meal with them… not saying we have to do that all of the time.. but we have to be aware to how much we’re in lone wolf mode and how much were in that social connection mode. both very powerful. id say the lone wolf mode was activated lots more than not. opened my eyes more to who i wanted in my life but realizing i don’t need to give my time to too many people.

today, i feel more energized mentally and physically than i ever have. because i dont have the lingering stress of not attending to other areas of my life. i do believe my progress was slower when i was not attending to this social aspect of me and connection with others piece of me. i would sacrifice to work on just me.. which in turn caused more stress and less recovery because i had that thought in the back of my mind “damn, i skipped out of a unique beautiful experience… or i didn’t try my grandma’s meal because i had to eat my chicken..” all sorts of little examples.

none of it matters if you don’t have close people to you and you’re not growing and openly communicating and showing up to the table better and better. we are not meant to be isolated. but it also doesn’t mean that we need 100 friends. maybe 2 solid amazing friends. maybe a couple family members that we love and confide in.

take a look at famous people. 1,000,000 “friends.” but still feel lonely as ever.

you can focus on you. your pursuits. make it only about you and your priorities.

or you can find a sustainable path, pulling back just slightly and having a strong support system around you which in turn will give you better recovery and better emotional support than you ever imagined. so you don’t have to go into those periods where you cut off the world, and say “i don’t need a man, or i don’t need a woman” and fall into these mindsets like you will never need anyone.

we need people. period. that’s just how it is. be selective and patient. realize what characteristics you want from individuals in your life. and openly communicate to these important individuals. going from a drug addition, to a fitness addiction, to a car addiction, to a hiking addiction, to an addiction to sex and woman, to putting on blinders and being this one track mind is not the route to happiness.

we look at famous athletes, and we realize: yes it requires a serious sacrifice. being away from our family and loved ones a majority of the time. its not realistic for most people.

what is all this time toward things if we cant enjoy it to the highest joy with others.

keep the dumbbell at home. you don’t need to do curls on the way to chucky cheeses. you will be okay. you’re on track. focus on the engagement, love and relationships in your life as well. we don’t need to abandon some areas of our lives to be great. we can be great and attend to all aspects that are important to us.

long term solution = having love for more than just fitness.

Patterns of daydreaming/dreaming: what are these thoughts and fantasies telling us?

Lots of theories on daydreaming and the subconscious mind. I’m not going to explain all of that science in detail on that edit. I’m going to simply talk about what these types of thoughts mean and how they might have an effect on our lives. Open us up to perspective and potentially listening to these types of thoughts.

They say what you value set in life is not necessary where you put you time, but where your mind is at. For example: you might work a job that your soul or spirit are not present with. you look at it as a paycheck and a paycheck only. and while you’re working that job, you daydreaming about being an artist, construction worker, pilot, or whatever else it happens to be. I would then say, we aren’t necessary defining our lives by our simple 9-5 that drains energy from us in this circumstance. But our desire or our fantasy to be something more that would fall in line with what our souls are pulling us toward. our soul is telling us something when our mind is wondering and its repetitive. its normal to have millions of thoughts. curiosity is a normal part of life. are these reoccurring thoughts something that needs acknowledged and communicate to someone? Potentially a relationship conflict that needs more light shed upon it? Are these reoccurring thoughts putting us in different places that we might be able to spend a little more time in? Sometimes there is not a reasonable answer. that intuition part of you will speak to you. you will feel it. and you will get a feeling deep down when you know something is right or not right for you.

Do you have a similar fantasy that sparks up your energy and excites you? Is that fantasy something that is currently nonexistent in your life? Are the reoccurring dreams you have at night putting you in a different place? One unlike the life you’ve living in the present?

Its not that we need to make an extreme decision all at once. maybe the fantasy of being near the beach in a different country, or the bright sunshine coming down on you on the sand is potentially telling you that you might need to prioritize a bit more time outdoors. specifically near the water. listening to the waves crash. feeling your feet grounded into the earth or the sand. this a small example.

Maybe in your job, you’re very independent and you don’t need to rely on others. but your mind is constantly going toward being in groups and seeing people smile, work together and build… maybe in this instance, you can find a balance by potentially volunteering, or intentionally making plans with a group of people to do something of like interest.

One of the toughest ones is the career. this is our stability. the reason we have a roof over our head and food on our plate. Most of us can’t just quit our jobs today with no consequences. however, i see lots of people stay in careers long term that their souls are being drained in. they look 10 years older than they actually are because the stress of 1. fighting what their soul wants and 2. not giving the impact to the world in a way that’s meaningful to them is simply draining them like a dried out sponge. people that live the healthiest and longest have lots of purpose and drive toward something and very healthy relationships. how can we reflect on this and how we approach our careers?

its not that easy. we make sacrifices for our jobs to have financial goals, life balance goals, or whatever it is that we desire in the period of our lives. every day is not this fairy tale. there are pros and cons with all decisions. but i would have to say that the pros better outweigh the cons to an extent that allows you to feel like you’re making your own unique impact on the world or giving your uniqueness to what it is that you pursue or where, and whom you spend your time around.

sometimes, when we fantasize or daydream, we imagine ourselves displaying characteristics that we normally don’t display. for example: a more quiet individual that doesn’t spark up convo, might fantasize about smiling confidently, leading a group and being that person that radiates the light. in the situation, it will be uncomfortable to change our norm. to change the nature of how we approach people and the day in front of us. we all have those days. where you want your alone time. but then there’s days where you really want to engage and be involved with people. these are the little signs on the day to day. little messages from our internal to embrace that energy. listen to it. might be uncomfortable at first, but this is purely foundation of:

self awareness. what are we feeling? What do we desire more of? what is the effect of our thoughts and actions? How are the actions we’re taking through the day casting votes toward a specific identity?

simply put: be who you want to be. Listen to those dreams. think about what they’re telling you or what they aren’t telling you…. listen to that inner talk. even communicate it to a close individual in your life. “hey man, I’ve been feeling a pull lately to explore a bit more. i kind of just feel like i want to spend some time together, and go to a museum or go for a hike. something adventurous. I’ve been having lots of thoughts lately about getting out of my familiar routine and being a bit more adventurous.”

that’s just one example. there’s many simple ways that we can find that peace with our inner daydream and thoughts that creep up on us out of nowhere. they all add up. they all mean something.

what happens when we ignore them? We potentially over time will be living a low fulfillment life. burn out. stress and fatigue beyond belief. overwhelming thoughts. potentially even to a point where the frustration builds up high. next thing we know, we’re making extreme decisions like getting blacked our drunk, arguing with our partners, or making choices and using words that we might end up regretting. maybe even reaching toward quick, easy pleasures that are not beneficial for us.

We can prevent this uncontrollable frustration and build up by simply checking in with ourselves. allowing some time of calm through the day. disconnecting from the cell phone and breathing. taking a walk. sitting on a bench. letting the day set in. and listening to those thoughts and seeing where your mind goes to. realizing what we want more of in our lives, or when we need to say no more often…

this is taking responsibility for our lives. we must listen to the inner talk. the daydreams. we must have a relationship with the inner talk. your soul and heart wont lie to you.