There are so many different takes on intimate relationships. Do we tend to go after a partner that was similar to our Mother/Father or a hybrid between the two? or do we go for something completely opposite of the love that our Mother and Father shared with us? Do we go after the Love our Mother shared with us and avoid the type of love our Father shared with us? Visa versa. The answer is never absolutely clear. We all have different things we value in partners and also different ways in which we feel absolutely cared for, respected, and appreciated by.
Here is where it gets interesting: our own pursuits through life and whom we decide to settle down with and for what reasons. Early on in life, its easier to look at someone and feel “wowed” by the sports they play, the intelligence they have, the money they have, the power and strength they have, the physical beauty they have,or the house they live in, the car they drive, etc… these initials physical attractions can LURE us in. Of course. Every single day we are exposed to different kinds of people. People we are immediately forming impressions of whether we think we are or not. Simply: We as animals are constantly scanning our environments to observe the traits of others. potentially thinking: “That is lots of beauty. that person smells good. that person stinks. that person is kind. that person is rude. that person holds themselves well in convo. that person has good confidence. that person lacks confidence.. etc”
Ultimately: we absolutely are in charge of whom we decide to get closer to and whom we decide to bring closer to our tribe and personal space. Sometimes you hear the things: “He always seems to go after the same type of woman.” Or the same thing roles reversed. the woman going after a similar type of man. Why so? There are things that each of us search for in a potential partner. some of them can be healthy, and some of them can be very damaging and unhealthy.” Maybe our mothers were caring, affectionate, good listeners, and calm. Maybe our father was assertive, goal driven and confident. So maybe we go after a calm, intelligent and affectionate woman that also has a side to her of confidence and assertiveness when the situation calls for it… Maybe because of our curious human nature, we go the other way: we decide to go for a very dominate strong woman that only has a touch of gentleness to her. On the woman’s side: Maybe this woman decides to go for other woman because of the abuse that she experienced with her father growing up. Or maybe she decides to continue and chase aggressive toxic masculine traits in men because that is what she was familiar with when she grew up with her father. You get the point. Sometimes we go after what we’re used to. Sometimes the opposite. Sometimes a combination of traits between the two.
Our Father and Mother were our first line of protection when we came into this world. Its no wonder lots of connections to love language and how we feel cared for stem back to our Mother and Father. I do see how the older we get: we must be highly aware of which traits are going to be healthy for us in the long term, and which ones are going to produce a high in the short term which ends in lots of chaos and disaster. It’s very important to list down our needs and wants in a relationship. This way we can intentionally approach relationships and be set up for a higher chance of success.
Personally: I would have to say that I was not as intentional with relationships when you look at my track record. A little bit of everything. is this a bad thing? Not necessary. What it does allow for is for us to have data and experience that points toward what is best for us. The “now we know” kind of thing. You just hope that after awhile: You’re gather enough experience to make better decisions when you move forward. to really sit there consciously and think: “this is what I will allow and this is what I will not allow in a relationship. this is what I 100% accept in a person and need from an intimate happy standpoint.” intention. Purpose. These powerful realizations is what makes us different than animals. We are lots higher aware to consequences and potential outcomes of our decisions. The question is: how much will power do you have to stay ahead of these kind of decisions and not let emotions completely take over your mind when trying to make an equally reasonable decision with this sort of thing?
Takes lots of practice and resisting of temptations. But thats what makes us so great as humans. We always have the right to say no. we can always decide to walk away. we can always decide to dive right in. at the end of the day: are you going to take responsibility for all of the outcomes of a given decision? I hope so because you have the choice to go to the grocery store of your choosing, to make plans and meet up with someone, to say yes or no to requests that are given to you, etc. when the outcome doesn’t go the way that you imagined it to go, we must look at that situation and think “What was in my control that I potentially could be more aware of next time so we do not repeat these same mistakes.”
easier said than done.
practice.
It’s no wonder theres lots of freedom in your life when you get a really good grasp on what you will allow into your life and what you won’t allow. The amount of peace you will find. Because I tell ya one thing: The past 1.5 years has been a period of being very intentional with my words, decisions, where I put myself, and being clearly honest. let me also tell you what that has done: freed me. its allowed me to find quality and lots of fulfillment within because I’m putting myself around people and places that are feeding to my energy and allowing me to vibrate at a higher frequency more often than not… the decision to remove myself form a certain work environment, to understand what I need to get closer to when it comes to friends, or family, or intimate situations. They all add up. they can compliment your life or they can drain from your energy. ask yourself at the end of the day: am I happy with who Is around me do I feel supported by those people? We have to be brutally honest with that question so we are not constantly let down and have expectations that are continuously never met. it really is in our hands. What does this person or place have to offer that I need in my life? What challenges are tough parts am I going to get close to and are those worth working on together? Where is ______ person on their journey of healing and how do they prove self work in a sense that would show that they can be committed to getting better and being a healthy exposure in my life?
All good things to reflect on.
I don’t have all The answers.
I do have lots of experience.
Which helps me understand what I want more of and what I want less of.
stay ahead of this game and protect your inner peace.
Control what you can control. realize what is worth controlling and what is worth letting go of. its a practice. always will be. Deeper purpose with all that we do.
THE_HUMAN_EXPERIMENT1993 