Getting closer to the good. Closer to the bad. Even remove the concept of good and bad. Each part of our past was a opportunity to gain perspective. An experience. The ability to see things in a different manner. To feel them in a different way.
I’ve noticed sometimes it feels harder to think about certain emotions. But why does it have to be harder? How do we develop a different relationship with those harder feelings and thoughts so we can sit with them. Understand them a bit. Trust in the moment that they’re just thoughts. Thoughts that spark a feeling. Even though that feeling may not be pleasant, what if we sat with it and told ourselves that we would be okay? To find a little more peace with that unsettling feeling. To sit with the wave of the emotion. To realize its going to subside. Let time do its thing. Everything will be okay.
I used to be lots more judgmental of my emotions. To this day, its still a challenge sometimes. We wake up feeling a bit off, or are reminded of something that is a little unsettling with us. We all have those days. I used to look at them, and tell myself, “get it together, move on.” While this is good and very efficient and productive, it can also bury some emotions and it can make us naturally de-value the emotions that we’re experiencing. And like we’ve all came to know; When you bury them, they show up at unexpected time in usually more of a impulsive projecting manner.
Now lets clear some things up. We don’t have to speak about these emotions to everyone, make it a public announcement or blow things out of proportion. Its just simply means, that maybe through the day, we need to find a little extra calm. A few extra breaks where we take 3 minutes to just breethe. To walk outside of the office and just stand there. Breath and remind ourselves that things are okay. breath through the tougher feelings. Its hard sometimes to realize that we can’t solve or fix emotions. The solution is to simply let them calm down lots of the time. Not to draw up a mathematical equation that explains the emotion, drink a fancy cup of tea, and do yoga. It doesn’t have to be a complicated answer. While those things are great, the day to day life and regular doses of emotions that we feel are simply going to need a little bit of calm.
In counseling, we reflect lots on the past and how things are now versus how they used to be. Taking these conversations seriously and understanding how the past shapes how we see things in the present. Here is the important part: some people make it seem like the past should be buried. I hear things like, “im not who I used to be.” Now, while this can be a very good thing, I also think it has to be handled with some tender loving care. Who we were in those times was okay. how we felt in those times is okay. maybe we responded to life in a bit of an extreme manner? Maybe there was some chaos involved that made it seem like everything else in life at that time was not beautiful or ever evolving. Its really easy to almost forget about a period of time or stage in life as a defense mechanism. A painful period of time. The brain can easily take path of least resistance which would be to quickly pass over the thoughts related to things from the past that caused pain. Back to the past. When we spend time with past thoughts, we learn to accept them. This doesn’t mean spending all of our mental energy on thinking about the past. But having some intention toward how we think about the past and how we understand it can be a bit freeing in the present.
So the days where u feel off, like something isn’t right. Like your soul isn’t on fire. Don’t take these days as a negative. Take these days as a sign from our inner that there may be needs that have to be attended to. Lots of the time, those needs involved a little tender loving care. A little extra time to be nice to ourselves. To comfort ourselves on the days that aren’t the biggest highs of feelings. Its okay to have these days. They’re equally as important as the days that are exciting and fired up. Our needs can change. If you’re dealing with these alone, realize that that is okay. When we practice giving ourselves the encouragement and comfort that we need, it only helps us understand more how to ask that from someone else. If you’re dealing with this in a close committed relationship, take this as a opportunity to communicate some needs. To lean on your loved one. To let them know that tough days are okay but you want them to be apart of all the days equally. Things will work themselves out.
Even further than that. When someone wants to talk about their past, or past events that might’ve caused them pain; take that moment as a moment of trust. a moment of vulnerability. A time for them to find some healing in their own way. Hold that gently. Its not personal to you. they trust you with those words. they trust you with those gentle parts that affected them in their own unique way. be gentle in those moments. We all are hit with the waves. they will subside. Trust that they’re temporary. Tougher moments are moments that can bring us closer. They don’t have to mean chaos.
Just thoughts this morning. Whomever needs this, I hope it helps.
THE_HUMAN_EXPERIMENT1993 