Happy to me when I grew up was a smile. It was a safe, uplifting and hopeful to see my mothers smile. Today its special to hear some people say that I got my smile from my mother. Lots of trust in my mothers smile. Intimate was being heard and seen. Feeling like I could sense a selfless love when I was acknowledged.
Back rubs, I remember were my favorite way to be intimately cared for really young and even through my life. Every time manic episodes occurred with her, I remember deeply wanting to do whatever it took to be back together with her and my siblings. I trusted her still. I knew my siblings and I would be back with her in the future. I just knew. Never speaking poorly about her or my family. Just reassuring everyone that we were okay and moving forward with our lives despite the chaos. We grew well didn’t we. Kept the pack tight and its remained the same. We would aways be back together.
trust in mom. Trust in my siblings. Happy is us together. It overpowers all the struggles and tough stuff. Us together was happy to me. I know we could come even closer if my siblings and I continued to acknowledge each other and encourage eachother as much as possible. We’ve been better at this for awhile now. It can be a battle around the chaos times its our mom to find peace and also travel and see each-other. we hold tight and always have that hope in our relationship with eachother. We gotta do the best we can in our own lives. This is something each of us has adapted to. But not so stuck in our own life that we r pushing away really special people in our lives. A squad of siblings that have allways been loyal. ive tried my best to find peace with each and every one of them. Heck, what are big brothers for? Cmon now. haha.
Very intimately and trusting: my mothers smile and seeing and hearing me. Trust in her and trust in my siblings. Learned all the fundamentals to joy just through the presence of my mother and siblings. Dont get me wrong: lots of other family and close ones in my life teach me lessons and further expand upon the current ones.. but early on: I knew nothing more than I trusted my mom and siblings and knew that us together was exactly what life was about. Hmmm another random thing that stuck with me in relation to happy:
I love my moms ability to plan ahead. All sorts of little trips on Saturdays and Sundays. Whatever it happened to be. She was really good and making me look forward to little excursions, adventures, and day trips with her and my siblings. So happy. I trusted that whatever we were doing, it was going to be awesome. This is where all of us could be in a unknown area and just laugh and enjoy eachothers presence. Well, this is it for now. I could continue to write. I will put some more things into words here next time. For now: keep setting aside time for creativity. Light a candle. Sit in stillness. Dig inner. And let that inner come out somethings. Not always in words. Maybe in pen. Maybe in typing. Maybe in just sitting in your thoughts in dim lit shower. We all find different ways to bring a little bit of clarity to a situation. Dig a little deeper. Get close to the things that sometimes are distant but still affecting us today. Get close enough to understand it. Feel it. Trust that it will be okay. Let that emotion reside. Life is simple. Lets keep it that way.
THE_HUMAN_EXPERIMENT1993 