David Goggins “Challenge #1”

The Format to Journal on: (written by David Goggins):

“My bad cards arrived early and stuck around a while, but everyone gets challenge in life at some point. What is your bad hand? What kind of bullshit are you dealing with? Are you getting beaten? Abused? Bullied? Do you ever feel insecure? Maybe your limiting factor is that you are growing up so supported and comfortable, you never push yourself?

What are the current factors limiting your growth and success? Is someone standing in your way at work or school? Are you under-appreciated and overlooked for opportunities? What are the long odds you’re up against right now? Are you standing in your own way?

Break out your journal- if you don’t have one, buy one, or state one on your laptop, tablet, or in the notes app on your smart phone- and write them all out in minute detail. Don’t be bland with this assignment. I showed you every piece of my dirty laundry. If you were hurt or are still in harm’s way, tell the story in full. Give you pain shape. Absorb its power, because you are about to flip that shit.

You will use your story, this list of excuses, these very good reasons why you shouldn’t amount to a damn thing, to fuel your ultimate success. Sounds fun right? yeah, it won’t be. But don’t worry about that yet. We’ll get there. For now, just take inventory. Once you have your list, share it with whoever you want. Fo some, it may mean logging onto social media, posing picture and writing out a few lines about how your own past or present circumstances challenge you to the depth of yolursoul. If thats you, use the hashtags #badhand #canthurtme. Otherwise, acknowledge and accept it privately. Whatever works best for you. I know it’s hard, but this act alone with begin to empower you to overcome.”

My Response:

It’s time to put it all down in words. It’s time to let it out. Keep in mind, our journeys of introspection and self reflection will never stop. However, there are some things that sit with us for longer than other things. One of those things for me is abandonment. It’s developed lots of strengths within me and also some weakness. Throughout adolescence, I did not have the typical Mother and Father in the household type of situation. My Father was not present and my Mother disappeared about half a dozen times up until the age of 18. At this point, myself and my siblings would live with other family in the time being (grandparents, grandma, aunt/uncles, cousins). The cycle would repeat every could years for all of my sibling’s adolescence. I am going to say that we were blessed to at least have family to live with when our Mother was not around, but obviously there are social development, mental, and stress variables that all change drastically when living situations change frequently for adolescence. I know each of my siblings took this trauma on in a bit of a different way. I’ll speak about it from my own perspective, as I don’t want to speak for anyone else at the moment. The pros to the situation were as follows: It allowed me to become adaptable to stressful changing situations. It was natural to me since that was how my life had been for the first 18 years of my life. it allowed me to gain this sense of “don’t sweat the small things.” When your household is changing frequently and you’re pulled from your siblings and mother, nothing else seemed too crazy to complain over. I noticed I would start to gain an extreme appreciation for consistency; with routines (cleanliness, places I sit things down, morning and nighttime routines, bedtime routines, you name it). I found my safety in my own personal self care. I didn’t know where I was going to be, but I knew I could stay strict with my own routines which were unchanging. Also, every time we reestablished with our Mother, its almost as if we were starting right where we left off. back to the being a family. Never discussing the process or how it affected any of us. Just back to living with a superwoman Mother enforcing routines and constantly smiling and manifesting positive attitudes into our forefront. Obviously there are negatives to the whole situation also. Through lots of the household changes, it took a hit on my confidence. It made me feel like I didn’t deserve greatness. I always compared myself to others and before committing to something long term, I would find every reason why I couldn’t be the best or couldn’t make it all the way to the top. I eventually stopped football and stopped baseball. I continued Tennis thankfully, but I didn’t see a reason in committing to things when my life lacked consistency and commitment at the roots of it all; the home life. For a majority of my life, I didn’t take relationships seriously with women. I remained distant and refused to talk about things. Was this because this is how it always was when my mother disappeared? Never talking to anyone. Always acting like everything is okay. I don’t have anyone to blame, but it was built in me to not deal with emotions, not talk about emotions, and not openly communicate when things were bothering me. There obviously comes lots of challenges when trying to get closer to people. I would get close enough, but I would back off at the same time. Nothing personal to anyone else. I would just go back to working on me, sticking with my disciplines and routines, and being proud of what I was in control of. Something I’ve battled my entire life is being able to lean in enough because I think I will lose everything I’ve built. I know I’ve personally put that hurt onto intimate relationships. Relationships require a level of need. A healthy level of need. letting someone else be needed. Letting someone else need you. Relationships and built on openness and being able to offer the right support. I know something I will always struggle with is needed someone to the extent that they want to be needed. I also fight some isolation at times where I work so hard on what I’m doing that I put blinders on these intimate parts of my life. I make sure I don’t lose the one thing I didn’t have for the first half of my life: consistency. As I’ve gotten older, it’s became an obsession for me to make sure that I’m leaving people with a positive energy. Treating strangers just the same as I treat my own family. I like to leave people with a good feeling. Being into coaching kids/families for a full time job has held me accountable to an even higher level. its forced me to pickup those little pieces of trash on the ground, notice the little detail, give the little complements, give appreciation when its deserved, and so much more.. But what is it that still eats at me since I was a kid? The thought that I do want to get closer to people, have consistency in relationships, but also wanting to have my distance. Will I perfectly find the balance someday? I know it requires action and requires me to put action toward the right people that I truly do want in my life. I find the balance with myself through my in depth self care activities, self dates, moments alone, reading, exercise, mediating, outdoor exposure, baths, chiropractic/massage care, journaling, and the list goes on. But I know that if I want to get really close to anyone, they’re going to have to be let in one some of these things. Let in on the things that I kept for myself and myself only. let in on my safe places. let in on my routines. Let in on my consistency. Lets reflect back to the intention that I focus on every day. What I am in control of right now. The thing that drives me.

MY PURPOSE: Living Quality by remaining present. Through meaningful preparation and putting actions into play with discipline, all while staying true to commitments I truly value, all while inspiring others to value personal growth and appreciate true value behind motives, actions, decisions, and moments/experiences created. 

I want to leave this world knowing I was kind to my body, mind, and soul… that I was respectful and a positive impact on everyone that I came into contact with, and that I’m inspiring and showing people how valuable experience and putting ourselves out there is. This coaching journey that I’ve finally stepped foot on has changed my life. Slowly but surely.

For now I ask myself: What am I in control of? What am I doing or have planned that is keeping me on track to get better? We all can be better.